There are two kinds of things that we do in life: those that we do because other people/society have taught us to do them to maintain a certain "image" of who we are or want to be; and those that we do because they are a true reflection of us as an individual and bring us a sense of joy.
I've always had a certain picture in my mind of who I wanted to be in life or how I wanted to be perceived. The adjectives that come to mind? Smart -- VERY smart -- successful, rich, elegant, classy, kind, genuine, trustworthy, warm. I'm sure there are moments in my life that consciously or subconsciously helped shape why I chose these adjectives, but the point is that we develop this mental picture of what we are striving for and then use societal cues to determine the actions that we have to take to convince the world that we are such. "If I want people to think I'm VERY smart, I should go to Harvard." "If I want people to think I'm successful and rich, I need to drive a fancy car." "If I want people to think I'm elegant and classy, I better dress a certain way, act a certain way and like certain things." And where do smart, rich, successful, elegant and classy people go? Well, the opera.
So you see, when I was writing the list of 30 things to do before I turned 30, certainly I chose many of those things based on activities or adventures that really reflected me as an individual, but what I've realized is that I also chose some of those things because I wanted them to shape the perception that other people had of me. If I went to the opera and loved it, people would think I was so intellectual and refined! They'd admire how cultural I was! They'd say, "Wow, look at what a lovely woman she's become!"
But you know what? I hated it. And I don't care.
Because in the last few years I've learned that I'm not a hard case of black and white. Classy or class-less. Smart or stupid. Kind or mean. I'm shades of so many different personality traits. I can even be a contradiction. Can I be classy and love getting dolled up for a night out Friday and then get equally excited to dress up as a science fiction character and go cosplay at a con? Of course. Is it okay that I can claim I'm a total introvert whose focus is often too insular and still be lonely on a Saturday when I have no friends to be with? Absolutely. Will people think I am any less smart or successful if my personality doesn't necessarily align with the societal cues that tell us someone is smart and successful? If they truly know me and care about me, of course they won't, and otherwise, I have no reason to care what they think.
As I get older, and dare I say wiser, I am learning a lot about who I am and what things make me happy. I'm learning to give myself more grace and be accepting of the fact that I'm not perfect and I sure as heck don't have life figured out.
All in all, although the opera did not tickle my fancy, the experience was one worth having because of the people I experienced it with. Three great friends that have been by my side through good times and bad for the last 15 years. They are classy, smart, genuine, kind, successful, warm, trustworthy and elegant, too. And the fact that none of them liked the opera either doesn't change that one bit.
