30 for 30 days (a finale)

And just like that, my twenties -- and the first month of my thirties -- are over in the blink of an eye. I've waited a month to write this post because I wanted to think long and hard about what I was going to say. Turns out I have quite a lot to say, so it's been hard to pare things down and not write a novel about what it's like to turn 30.

In the last 30 days, I've done two important things. First and foremost, I've spent a lot of time going back and re-reading the entries in this blog. It has brought a smile to my face again and again as I re-lived each moment, and took time to think about each person that accompanied me on this journey. From riding in a hot air balloon with Betsy to running a half marathon with Kyle; "building" a home for Habitat with Anna or getting my fortune told by a psychic with Melissa; swimming with dolphins with Aynsley or going parasailing with Karen/Chad/Bryan/Christina/Anna/Kaitlyn; seeing an opera at the Met with Lauren/Christine/Tausha and going fake skydiving with Alex -- THANK YOU. Each of you have had an immense impact on my life.

The second, and I think more profound thing, is that I've taken the time to really reflect on my 20s and, although it's often uncomfortable to feel like you're tooting your own horn, I've forced myself to really focus on all that I've accomplished in the last ten years.

• I've graduated from college with a 4.0 GPA and as my school's valedictorian
• I worked for my dream company (Disney) in two dream jobs (PR/marketing) for more than 5 years
• I got accepted to, attended and successfully graduated from the Harvard Business School MBA program
• I went on a plane for the very first time in my adult life (at 20) and traveled to 6 countries and 16 states
• I've been on 3 cruises, eaten at every Walt Disney World restaurant and taken a magical work vacation to Las Vegas AND Hawaii for free
• I've reconnected with my father, who was absent from my life for 20 years
• I've had the chance to work with, and be mentored by, a handful of AMAZING bosses that taught me more than they'll ever understand (Belinda, Carrie, Bryan)
• I've built an independent financial life for myself -- purchased a car, furnished an apartment, and raised two little dogs
• I've risked it all, moving to Philadelphia without knowing a soul, forcing myself to tackle some tough inner demons that surfaced as I tried to figure out what it truly meant to start again
• I've gone to my first football game, seen snow for the first time, met countless celebrities, made new friends, kept old friends, been a bridesmaid 3 times, survived 4 surgeries, met a member of my UK family for the first time, lived in 6 different cities, worked for a non-profit, and even learned to love riding Tower of Terror.

It's funny. For quite a long time, I was dreading turning the big 3-0. In my mind, it represented the end of my youth, a time when I'd cross some scary chasm and really become an adult. But now that I'm here, I don't really understand why I was ever so afraid. Believe it or not, I DO feel like I crossed that scary chasm -- waking up on my birthday I really did feel different -- but being on the other side is great. For some reason, I have a new lease on life. I'm less concerned about doing things because they please others or contribute to the perception others have of me. I'm more sure of the things that I want in my life and am unafraid of taking risks to make sure I can make them realities. I still feel young -- but not too young -- and am thankful that I can leave those many pressures of my 20s in my past. And more than anything, I'm looking forward to another 10 years of life and all the wonderful things that will come along to surprise me. I'm excited to look back on my 40th birthday and craft a similar list for all that unfolded in my 30s. 

For now, it's all about getting out there and enjoying the present, and the people and things that are currently in my life. At least until I can craft my 40 things before 40 list and get cracking once more.

Defining "complete" - Less than a week to go

When I was making my list initially, there were several items that had a very clear start and end. Once you're in the water with a dolphin, you have officially swam with dolphins. Once you're up in the air with a balloon attached to your back, you have officially gone parasailing. But what happens when you've started working on an item that doesn't really ever have a defined end? What if you attempt to complete an item and it either gets foiled or isn't what you expected? Do these things count against my list? I haven't decided, but for the sake of it, I want to call these things out and report on the progress I did make (or tried to make).

#17: Learn to Ballroom Dance
If someone walked up to me and asked if I knew how to ballroom dance, I don't think I could say yes with a straight face, but I did take private and group lessons over a span of almost a year while I was still living in Orlando. I have a pair of Latin shoes, a series of DVDs and can perform the basic steps of things like the quickstep, tango and waltz, thanks to Mr. Mark Arnott. My original goal was to become good enough at ballroom dancing that I could go to a competition (and potentially win), but finances and moving just got in the way, and ballroom lessons are WAY too expensive up here in Philly for me to keep the learning going.

#21: Learn a Second Language
I'm a bit embarrassed on this one because I spent $500 on Rosetta Stone software and I have certainly not used it as much as I should have. Two years later and I speak a LITTLE French, but not nearly enough to have a sustainable conversation with a person who speaks fluent French. I think part of it is that I have to admit to myself that I just don't have a brain for languages. That's not to say that I can't or couldn't pick up a second language, but more that if I really want to learn one, I have to focus significant effort on it and practice over the long term. Right now there are so many competing priorities in life that this isn't one of them, but at least my Rosetta Stone license doesn't go away and so far what I have learned has stuck with me pretty well.

#1: Play a round of paintball, #3: Watch turtles hatch and #7: Be a member in the audience of a TV show
Two years ago, my friends Aynsley and Meredith gave me an "IOU" for a round of paintball as a group gift for my birthday, and the cosmos have just collided such that it's never happened. First Meredith got pregnant (which is great news, so I hope this isn't reading like I'm complaining!), then Aynsley moved much farther away. Then I left Florida and Aynsley got pregnant, and lo and behold, it may be several years yet before the three of us can actually get together to make this happen.

As far as the turtles go, I partly blame myself for having poor planning skills, but partly blame Mother nature, too. When my friends Kaitlyn, Anna and I booked a weekend beach vacation at Disney's Vero Beach Resort, we did it in June specifically because we knew that was the time of year when loggerhead sea turtle eggs typically hatched. Little did I know that you can't just walk around the beach on your own looking for these little guys, but you actually have to go with a guide, and clearly these nighttime beach walks were a heck of a lot more popular than I expected, because they had all been booked solid upon our arrival. Then Mother nature released storm after storm while we were there, which had we booked a walk, may have meant its cancellation regardless. Plan foiled.

Finally, I have been trying to get tickets to be in the audience of a TV show for THREE YEARS now. I applied for The View, Ellen DeGeneres, SNL, etc. and would have traveled to New York or LA or wherever had I gotten tickets for ANY month, but nothing. I probably could have made my NYC friends get up at the crack of dawn to stand at the Today Show courtyard, but felt too guilty making the request of them. And then when my friend Dana and I bought tickets for The Price is Right Live in Lakeland, we expected a close replica to our favorite game show and thought maybe that could suffice as my "TV show." But it was a cheesy, sort of scam-like experience that left us feeling pretty empty, so it was clear that night that I couldn't really check that item off my list either.

#10: Solve a Rubik's Cube
Before I left Florida, my friend Christina ever kindly donated her Rubik's Cube to me, and ever since then I have been trying my damned hardest to solve the thing. And no, I haven't been sitting around fiddling with it and hoping it would solve itself, I have been actively using tutorials, algorithms and so-called Rubik's Cube "hacks" to try and get this thing completed. But I am failing. I can get the first layer complete and then all the tutorials lose me and I wind up screwing up everything I accomplished and having to start from scratch. I knew from the start that my lack of spatial intelligence would probably make this one challenging, but I figured there had to be some sort of easy cheat I could use to be able to cross this one off the list. Not so. I'm not 100% giving up, but this "thing" sure as heck has become more frustrating than fun at this point!

So what do you think? Do we count these 6 as complete or incomplete? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

#19: Buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik heels

I credit my sorority little sister, Laura, for being the one to turn me on to the glorious world of Sex & the City. I never had HBO growing up, so while I had heard of the show, I hadn't actually seen an episode until I got to college. Laura, a super fan, had the entire collection, and I remember watching episodes with her and other Delta Z's -- I was hooked before long.

Having grown up in suburban Florida, I had big city dreams like a lot of girls. And Sex & the City just fed those dreams -- I saw before me a world of possibilities in NYC, with tons to explore, a set of great girlfriends and fabulous fashion to boot. Although I always related to Charlotte more than any of the other characters (and still envy her fashion sense and Park Avenue apartment), there was always something so fascinating about Carrie Bradshaw and those dang Manolo Blahnik shoes.

For Carrie, I think she put a lot of her hopes, dreams, and even lack of "true love" emotions into her shoe purchases. Every shoe she bought was a reflection of her personality, and to each shoe she tied a memory of a moment or an occasion. By no means am I as fanatical about shoes as Carrie, but I liked this idea of a physical representation of a moment or feeling. Not to mention, as I've previously expressed in earlier posts, I've had a somewhat embarrassing "challenge" with inadequacy in recent years after graduating from HBS, so having a pair of statement designer shoes that I could profess I was able to afford seemed to me as though it would announce "my arrival" as a real grown up. Hence, I added this item to my 30 before 30 list.

Originally, I had fully intended to completely splurge and spend upwards of $500 on a pair of totally hot Manolos, and hoped to make it a complete experience. I imagined waltzing into the NYC Manolo flagship store, browsing the expensive shoes as if dropping that much money on a single pair was a chunk of change. I imagined sitting in a plush leather chair with a salesperson sliding a glorious shoe onto my foot. I would casually profess that they were beautiful, hand over my credit card and drool as they wrapped the shoe into a dust bag and box, with me walking out with a Manolo Blahnik shopping bag that I'd probably keep for life.

However, as time passed and expenses piled up, I shamefully looked at my savings account and realized it was nearly empty. Suddenly this frivolous purchase started to bring up more feelings of guilt than excitement. If I had $500 at my disposal, did it make sense to buy ONE pair of shoes or an entire season's worth of winter clothes? One pair of shoes or another loan payment that could help me get out of student debt? One pair of shoes or flights to two of 4 weddings I've been invited to this year? The more I thought about it, the more I simply couldn't justify the purchase, 30 things list or not.

And then, a light bulb went off, and I remembered that I make the rules here. There's no 30 Things police that's going to come and scold me if I don't do exactly what I set out to do when I created this blog. With that in mind, I realized that I could still totally check this off my bucket list, feel the excited emotions that owning a pair of designer shoes would bring AND not break the bank. The answer? eBay.

For the last several months I've scoured the listings, looking for a gently used pair of shoes in my size, that appeared to be authentic and weren't awfully ugly (one thing I've learned is that the vast majority of Manolos actually look totally like old lady shoes, so the brand must have gone downhill since Carrie hung up her heels). About a month ago, I found a pair that called my name: bright pink, patent leather, 4 inch pumps. Gorgeous. And I snagged them for $130.

From what I can tell the shoes were originally $695, so at 1/6 of the price, I feel pretty good about the purchase. And they are beautiful. Sure they're a little bit worn in spots and sure there's a black mark through the name on the insole (showing that they were put on clearance before they got to me), but I don't care. They're classy, they're bold, and they're all mine. Every time I slip them on my feet the memories of those NYC dreams come flooding back, even if that lifestyle isn't what I'm searching for anymore. Now I just need a Mr. Big/Harry Goldenblatt/Steve Brady/Smith Jerrod to take me out on the town while I'm wearing them. And maybe I'll sip a Cosmo while I'm at it.

#29: See an opera at The Met

As I get ever closer to the "big birthday" that inspired this blog (only 4 months and 5 days to go, but who's counting), I've been doing a LOT of reflecting. It certainly helps that many of my friends are also on the cusp of turning 30 because it means that they too have been reflecting and therefore have posted many-an article on Facebook about "things I learned in my 20s" or "things to learn in my 30s," all of which further inspire me to be all philosophical and wax poetic about life. Alas, I'm not going to go there in detail today, but I do want to talk about one particular lesson that I've learned in the last few years and continue to learn today.

There are two kinds of things that we do in life: those that we do because other people/society have taught us to do them to maintain a certain "image" of who we are or want to be; and those that we do because they are a true reflection of us as an individual and bring us a sense of joy.

I've always had a certain picture in my mind of who I wanted to be in life or how I wanted to be perceived. The adjectives that come to mind? Smart -- VERY smart -- successful, rich, elegant, classy, kind, genuine, trustworthy, warm. I'm sure there are moments in my life that consciously or subconsciously helped shape why I chose these adjectives, but the point is that we develop this mental picture of what we are striving for and then use societal cues to determine the actions that we have to take to convince the world that we are such. "If I want people to think I'm VERY smart, I should go to Harvard." "If I want people to think I'm successful and rich, I need to drive a fancy car." "If I want people to think I'm elegant and classy, I better dress a certain way, act a certain way and like certain things." And where do smart, rich, successful, elegant and classy people go? Well, the opera.

So you see, when I was writing the list of 30 things to do before I turned 30, certainly I chose many of those things based on activities or adventures that really reflected me as an individual, but what I've realized is that I also chose some of those things because I wanted them to shape the perception that other people had of me. If I went to the opera and loved it, people would think I was so intellectual and refined! They'd admire how cultural I was! They'd say, "Wow, look at what a lovely woman she's become!"

But you know what? I hated it. And I don't care.

Because in the last few years I've learned that I'm not a hard case of black and white. Classy or class-less. Smart or stupid. Kind or mean. I'm shades of so many different personality traits. I can even be a contradiction. Can I be classy and love getting dolled up for a night out Friday and then get equally excited to dress up as a science fiction character and go cosplay at a con? Of course. Is it okay that I can claim I'm a total introvert whose focus is often too insular and still be lonely on a Saturday when I have no friends to be with? Absolutely. Will people think I am any less smart or successful if my personality doesn't necessarily align with the societal cues that tell us someone is smart and successful? If they truly know me and care about me, of course they won't, and otherwise, I have no reason to care what they think.

As I get older, and dare I say wiser, I am learning a lot about who I am and what things make me happy. I'm learning to give myself more grace and be accepting of the fact that I'm not perfect and I sure as heck don't have life figured out.

All in all, although the opera did not tickle my fancy, the experience was one worth having because of the people I experienced it with. Three great friends that have been by my side through good times and bad for the last 15 years. They are classy, smart, genuine, kind, successful, warm, trustworthy and elegant, too. And the fact that none of them liked the opera either doesn't change that one bit.